Before Christmas, my “daughter in spirit” Kristen & I spent the day in the big city shopping and catching up with one another. She asked me a wonderful question: “When did you know what your calling in life was?” It’s an awesome question for lots of reasons. First, it caused me to look back over the span of my 52 years & take stock of it. The second reason was it encouraged me to look at who I am now, and thirdly, I had to look forward to think about what might be coming round the bend.
My answer was that what I thought I would do and become has changed and shifted over the years. From about the age of 5 through college, I was convinced I was going to be a writer of great social import and that’s how I would earn my living. That hasn’t happened. Yet.
Then I became a Christian and the church I attended seemed to focus a lot on what God had called you to do, and how to find out what that was and how to fulfill it. It also came with a huge amount of pressure that seemed more suitable for a corporation than a church. I never seemed to be able to figure it out. I felt I was doing good just to stay sober, off drugs, and go to work each day. And in retrospect, that’s exactly what I was “called” to do at that point in my life.
Several years and a couple of churches later, I decided I was done with the whole church thing. My saying was “God I love you, but I can’t stand Christians!”. It was an honest thing to express at the time, as that’s where I was. The only problem was that it gave me no forward momentum as a Christian. Oh, and the fact that God really wants Christians to be together, not wandering around on their own. In fact a big chunk of the New Testament is about getting along with each other while you’re doing the work of the Church.
The next move for my family and I was here: the middle of nowhere. But there was a great church, and a group of people that I started to like enough that I changed my mind about the whole “not liking Christians” thing. They were mostly my age (mid to late 20’s), many just starting their families, and it was wonderful. (Some of you who were there might have forgotten about the wonderful part, as events of the later years weren’t so great. But things were amazing at one point and we all really did care for each other and had great fun trying to figure out what we were all supposed to do with our lives.)
As I alluded to in the previous sentence things got pretty crappy for several years. That unfortunately strained and even ended some long-time friendships, something which I grieve over still. During the rough years I had to dig down deep to find out what I was called to do at that point in time. The answer I came up with wasn’t really the one I wanted. What I wanted to do was high tail it back to California and start over. What I was called to do was stay put, ride out the storm and find out if there was anything worth salvaging in our church.
I am glad to say there was something worth keeping and yes, some stuff worth throwing out. So my family & I stayed and went to work not rebuilding the church, but taking a shoot of the old, planting it, and helping a new church grow. This church is doing quite well. It has its own flavor and style. I’m glad that we stuck around to see it happen.
What am I called to do now? This. Also, to continue teaching 11th & 12th graders to write & to love reading. And to be the best bookkeeper, wife, mother, friend, etc. that I can be. What will I be called to do in the future? I have a clue or two but I’ll hang onto it for now. Since today is the start of a new year and a new decade I encourage you to take some time to take stock of where you’ve been, where you are and where you’re going. We are all called to do something. What are you called to do this year?
